What Defines You?

What defines you? Over the past two years the events I experienced could have literally killed me, but my response to this challenge in my life provided me with an opportunity to realize my grit and unique character. 

On Saturday November 5, 2022 I fainted while playing a pick-up basketball game with friends in my high school gym. I regained consciousness a few minutes after I passed out and felt fine. Precautionarily, my parents came to school, picked me up and proceeded to the local emergency room for what we thought was a quick visit for some stitches on my chin and hydration. After a multitude of tests and cast of doctors, my heart function was identified as the significant concern. In the back of my mind, I kept telling myself that I was fine. I worked out daily and could physically and mentally compete with the best athletes in the country. Whatever the doctors were concerned about was something temporary and I would be back in the game soon. 

After several days in the intensive care unit and a life-derailing prognosis, I lay down in the backseat of our family’s truck and closed my eyes as we drove home from the hospital. The silence during the long car ride home was deafening. My mind raced violently trying to comprehend my new reality. A month ago, I was a vibrant student athlete on track to play Division 1 college baseball. Today I was a kid with a progressive heart condition that needed an implantable cardiac defibrillator (ICD) to protect me from sudden cardiac death on my ultimate journey to a heart transplant.

My recovery from the ICD thoracotomy surgery was a turning point. Ironically, even though this surgery was life saving for me, it did not provide a cure or improve my prognosis. After the surgery, every breath felt like a sword was being continually thrust into my chest. Sleeping was painful and thinking hurt even more. I experienced some dark moments as my pain, loss of freedom and the dire reality of my disease attempted to steal my optimism and resolve. 

About a month after my surgery, I woke up as the sunlight finagled its way through the narrow sliver between the opaque shade and my window frame with a new perspective. As I lay in my bed, I determined that my prognosis would not define me or my opportunities.

Over the past two years, I proved time and time again that I am not defined by my disease, and I have much to contribute. I attack this disease from a big picture perspective as well as manage the daily ins and outs. Discipline, precision, and good judgement are required to actively manage and tolerate prescription medications together with my functional medicine schedules. Due to ongoing changes to my medication routines, my junior year I enrolled in homeschool courses that required adaptation to a new learning approach as well as self-discipline and critical thinking. I transitioned back to traditional school this past fall and enjoyed being a leader in homecoming activities. My Fall 2024 4.0 semester GPA was a testament to my continued determination and ambition. Physically, I achieved near “normal” results on my recent stress test and doctors provided me with the green light to resume playing baseball. 

A “bad heart” does not define me.  My unique optimism paired with my unrelenting fortitude allow me to continue to value each minute and, perhaps even more purposely, leave my mark on every aspect of life.